Raw Goods

she

she (and this already becomes fiction, just by virtue of that word)
(and both more and less than a lie to use any other pronoun, too)

she came (look both ways, know your turf, hold your ground)
(india to oakland, she didn't come alone, she came with a friend)

she came to (and how do i know exactly what she intended to do?)
(we had talked on the phone once, and corresponded by e-mail)

she came to see (chuckles jibe taunts fly punches bruise and...)
(maybe she decided the moment she got off the train, maybe not)

she came to see if ('when i wasn't passing as a man or a woman')
(we live by indeterminancy and fake our way through the rest)

she came to see if she ('she-males can suck my cock for free!)
(i told her what i'd heard, she looked at her lover, they listened)

she came to see if she wanted (desires don't disappear in fights
(she could both want to and not want to, both at the same time)

she came to see if she wanted to (put up with this shit anymore?)
(how do words organize past disdain and move into presents?)

she came to see if she wanted to live (and now she's dead, dead)
(how many places and ways she had lived - not regulated, lived)

she came to see if she wanted to live here (i wish she was still)
(a lie on top of a lie, as if a wish could bring back from grave)

she came to see if she wanted to live here with (or by or near?)
(isolated and together, separately collaborate, apart and alive)

she came here to see if she wanted to live here with me.
she wanted to live with she wanted to live if she wanted
(she told me i was brave she told me was brave she was)
to live as she to live as if to live as see to live as wanted.

posted by judy j @ 11:45 AM